My house is quiet. This happens from time to time. I usually love the silence but there is something different about this.

This is a predictable silence. My children are on their annual trip to visit grandma. This is a long standing summer tradition. My son, who is now 19 has been taking this trip since he was four years old. A couple of years later, his sister started joining him on these annual trips. They started out brief and expanded to as much as six weeks long.

For mothers of young children this is a form of mommy erotica. I used to fantasize all year about this time and what I would do with the temporary freedom. Clean out the garage, paint the back bedroom, prune the trees. I sure know how to dream don’t I? They were more like delusions than dreams. I never seemed to accomplish even a fraction of what I thought I would.

This will likely be the last official summer visit  that my son takes, at least as a boy. Going to college, getting a job, these are the things in his immediate future. We are all aware of this even if we don’t talk about it. I think that what makes this silence different. In the past the silence was always temporary. They would always be back eventually, yet there will come a day, likely quite soon, when that will no longer be the case.

I will be the one scheduling visits with them. This is a preview of what is to come. A reminder that all too soon the silence will dominate with only to the occasional interruption rather than the other way around.

After over twenty years of every choice, every decision, every move, how will I cope with is new found freedom? I have a feeling I will manage.

This piece was originally written on July 1, 2010. My son is now 21 and his sister is 18. Neil is once again with his grandma but now the kids tend to visit independently of one another. While they both still technically live at home, I am much more accustomed to the silence these days.  In fact, I can’t imagine how I survived without it. At first the silence can be deafening, until we are silent enough for the true voice within to speak. I am forever changed by being a mother and now I am forever changed by this new stage of motherhood.

What are the tears about? I’m not sure I could say. While it might look a bit like sadness, I am not actually sad. Far from it. If I tried to analyze this, it would seem crazy. I have everything to be thankful for and much to look forward to.

My former mother-in-law and I used to have a ritual we shared. If either of us need a good cry, we would put on the movie Always with Richard Dreyfuss and Holly Hunter. Then aided by a Kir Royale or two the tears would flow. Today, I need no aids.

This morning, I find myself repeatedly in tears over what, I know not. I embrace the tears. Sometimes I just need a good cry.

I am far from sad. Yet there is a feeling and emotion here that wants to express through me. So, what do I do? Allow it. I surrender to the emotion and let it flow through me. It comes like waves in the ocean peaking and receding by some other force. The alternative to the surrender (also known as resistance) means the emotion ends up trapped somewhere in my body and my being waiting to be expressed another day.

Which at least in part is likely what is occurring today. Trapped emotion leaves “cinches” in our “armor.” Truth is, I am so done with armor. Perhaps that in and of itself is the reason that the allowing is possible. Gone are the days of holding it together for the sake of how it looks.

Things are more than fine around here these days. Yet for all the success and accomplishment I have been experiencing myself and empowering in my clients and all the opportunity and adventure just on the horizon, I am in this moment in a valley. I know it is temporary one, in fact I can almost guarantee that by the time I finish writing I will be my usual perky self once again. And for now, I allow.

I allow and trust that my soul and my being know the way. That there is some past pain or old wounding that is ready to heal and I surrender to the process. I need not know specifically which it is (although I could probably guess), I only need be willing.

In my work with Sacred Compass and The Business in Your Soul, I have noticed that there are two tracks that run parallel to one another. Most people begin working with me to discover or confirm and live out their life’s purpose. What often comes as a surprise is the deep healing that begins to occur in the process. It turns out that until we heal we can never fully realize our true potential and therefore our life’s purpose. We must be willing to recognize our wholeness and lay down our burdens to be truly liberated.

Our bodies are beautifully designed to release what doesn’t serve. We only need cooperate with the innate wisdom that lies within and to allow it to lead us home to wholeness.

A “balanced” life….. that elusive sense that all the priorities and responsibilities of my life are floating perfectly in relation to one another.
Am I working too much? Am I spending enough time with my kids? Do I have the time to exercise and eat right? What’s quiet time?

The word balance means a state of equilibrium. Equilibrium means a state of rest or balance due to the equal action of opposing forces. The key word here is equal. This all implies that in order to achieve balance, all things are weighted equally, which they are not.

Priorities are different for everyone. If they weren’t we would live in a more homogenous society. One person may put family above all else while the next can’t remember the last time they visited their hometown. No judgment; just different priorities. One person works so much that they often forget to stop and eat while the other watches the clock in anticipation of quitting time for the moment they can get home to their kids. We all want different things in life and we are all here to express our individuality. I choose what gets more weight in my life and you choose what has weight in yours.

A past client, who happens to be trained as a geologist once explained to me the difference between balance and harmony in nature. It surprised me to learn that a thriving ecosystem is not in balance – it is in Harmony. All of the components of the ecosystem are working in Harmony for the mutual benefit of all. One element may be more dominant than another but that prominence is to the advantage of the well-being of the others.

Taking a moment to consider yourself as your own ecosystem, look at the concept of Harmony versus Balance in your life. In my varied roles, throughout my life as a wife, mother, employee, friend, entrepreneur, coach, trainer, writer, volunteer, and facilitator, I have NEVER achieved Balance. I don’t believe I am meant to because some things are just have more weight than others. But I would say that I have achieved Harmony.

The effort to achieve balance kept harmony at bay. Falsely believing that I should give equal attention to the different areas of my life was setting me up for failure. Different seasons in life call for shifts in priorities. For instance, if you have children, the time it takes to care for their basic needs is much different at 2 then it is at 20.

Life calls for Harmony. Just like a singing group working together, each with their unique part so that the notes come together to create a beautiful melody. The more I am in the moment enjoying what is and not worrying about what’s next, the louder I can hear the beautiful melody of harmony in my life. Harmony begins within. Create harmony.